A Guide:
"Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it."
Couples who get trapped in an endless loop of pointless arguments, dysfunctional behaviors, and even the boring stability of life together, often bemoan the state of their relationship. They do this is because they've forgotten about those previous things, the feelings and behaviors that built the relationship when it was good. Remembering what your partner has valued in the past will remind you of what he/she will value moving forward.
It is said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results. You need to assess past behaviors that brought you together, versus the current behaviors that are killing the relationship. You need to take into account what is important to you, what is important to your partner, and where these interests and values overlap. Divergent interests or values bring stress. They may have been enough to bring you together, but not enough to keep you there. If you find yourself working at cross purposes and drifting apart, it might be time to say goodbye and move on.
A Compass:
Just as a compass proves useful in giving you your bearings and heading in a specific direction, you need a strong foundation when making a difficult decision. Knowing where you are at in the relationship and where you are headed versus where you want to go is the most valuable information to possess.
What sorts of things serve as a compass for your relationship?
* How he/she talks to you: A kind voice may mean your partner is concerned about hurting your feelings. A sharp tone could demonstrate a loss of patience. Being aware of a change in communication will make you aware of the direction your relationship is heading.
* Interests and desires: Pay attention to how you and your partner spends your time. Do they include you, or are you spending less and less time together? Are you less interested in what each other are doing? Increased separation is a sure sign that there is a problem.
* Big Issues: A common mantra is how much opposites attract. While it may make for sparks at the beginning of the relationship, couples on wildly opposing sides of important issues will likely end up fighting more than uniting.
The tricky part of dealing with the relationship compasses is that they can be prone to interference. To eliminate any confusion, you must communicate about these things and understand what they mean in given areas. For example, his tone may have less to do with a lack of concern, and more to do with a long and stressful day. Her spending less time with you may not be disinterest, but perhaps depression, which might require medical attention. In any case, these are important indicators and you need to pay close attention.
A Destination:
No one ever gets anywhere without knowing where they want to arrive. This might seem very basic, but continuing to pursue a relationship means knowing where you both want it to end. Do you want a traditional marriage? Are you hoping for an open relationship? Though representing two extremes, moving forward with the right person only happens when you both know which of the countless avenues you wish to travel, and what your ultimate destination is. And remember, destinations have the freedom to change.
In the end, the hardest part of deciding to end a relationship has less to do with your partner, and more to do with where you're at and want to go. Letting go or hanging on requires some serious thought about what really matters to you. The challenge is being truly honest with yourself. By doing the hard work, you will know if you want to hold tight, or wish them well and move on with your life.
