Surviving A Breakup... Difficult But Doable

Dealing with a breakup is difficult.  There are no doubt, a lot of hurt feelings and negative emotions and, regardless of who instigated the breakup, it's probably just as hard on your ex as it is on you. Though you may seem overwhelmed with emotion, and feel as though there is a giant hole in your heart that can never be filled, you must remain strong.  Take comfort in the fact that you aren't the first couple to break up and you won't be the last.  You and your ex will move on... and you will survive.

When faced with the task of moving on, there are a number of tips which will help you survive your breakup. Though it won't happen overnight and it may sound like a cliche', "time does heal all wounds".  The first thing you need to do is deal with the pain.  You can't bottle it up but rather you must let it flow until it begins to dissipate. Otherwise it will eat you up.

Breaking up with someone you've loved is pretty much emotionally the same as dealing with the death of a loved one.  You're likely to go through the five stages of grief:  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally, Acceptance (though not necessarily in exact order).  You need to know that you're going to feel these emotions, you will feel pain.  It's okay to cry if you need to, to scream if you're angry, to write down your feelings.  This is all good and it's the way you work through the pain.

Once you've worked through the pain and reached a focused and calm state (watch the calm the mind technique video), you are in a position to better evaluate the situation and get a clear picture of where you and your ex are at this point.  Is it time to move on?  How do you feel about him/her now?  Is there still feelings or any chance that you might want to get back together, and would you even want to at this point? Knowing where you're at and being able to answer these questions in a calm and centered manner will allow you to make good decisions as you move forward. Not always but usually, you will find that the relationship is truly over.  At this point it is time to come to terms with this fact and take the next step.

Once you've decided to move on for good, it's time to remove any overlaps in life that connect you and your ex.  This includes any property that you two have exchanged or left at each others homes.  This sort of negotiation and separation should be done in a civil and calm manner.  You want to eliminate these connections so that nothing is left as an emotional landmine later on in your lives.  Once you've eliminated all connections and completely separated, then what you may want to do is to perform a finalizing ritual.  A symbolic event which involves letting go by using a symbolic effigy of your ex.  You could burn one of their letters, their photo, throw away their leftovers, delete their files off your computer, you get the gist.  This symbolic gesture is for your benefit.  This will help you get closure.

Finally, use whatever support is available to you, be it family, friends, co-workers. Just because you've moved on doesn't mean you won't still feel pain or loneliness from time to time.  This is natural.  Getting over a loved one is a process that involves time.  Having a family member to talk to or a friend to go out and have a drink with just to get some feelings off your chest can be helpful and healing.  The one thing to remember when it comes to surviving a breakup is "This too shall pass".

One more thing... if you still have feelings for your ex, and truly believe there is a chance you could get back together and make it work, then there is always hope. Click here to learn more about how to approach this situation in a way that will maximize your chances of fixing your relationship.